Jerr Bear's Wizdum

Jerr Bear is a beloved coworker who says some of the funniest/ silliest things that the world MUST KNOW.
Coworkers include: Cordealz and Mormo Matt (note: not actually Mormon).


Bar Mitzvahs

Jerr Bear and Cordealz just watched this video, in which a young boy does the entire dance to Madonna’s “Vogue” at his Bar Mitzvah celebration.

Jerr Bear: Do they all do that at Bar Mitzvahs?

Cordealz *sarcastic*: Yes, all the boys who have just become men must do the entire Madonna dance routine. It’s part of the Talmudic tradition.

Jerr Bear: Why isn’t he wearing a hat?

Cordealz: What hat?

Jerr Bear: A yahhhmuu…

Cordealz: Do you mean a yamuke? 

Jerr Bear: Yeah…

Cordealz: Just forget about it. I’m not gonna be the one to teach you about Judaism. Especially since you think dancing to Madonna is somehow involved.

Grand Arsony

Jerr Bear seemed to have the idea that songs cannot be profound. When he probed Cordealz and Mormo for examples, the following happened:

Mormo (joking): Oh, ya know, Justin Bieber.

Cordealz: Jerr Bear, are you serious? Of course songs can be profound! Hell, I’ll give you a very simple example, The Beatles had a lot of profound songs.

Jerr Bear: Oh yeah? Like Norwegian Wood?

Cordealz: Like Come Together or Happiness is a Warm Gun, I’m not saying they are ALL profound, but songs clearly can be.

Jerr Bear: Do you even know what that song is about? It’s about a guy who goes and sets fire to the house of this girl. IT’S A SONG ABOUT A GUY WHO COMMITTED ARSONY!

Mormo: Arsony??? (in mock voice) “What am I in for?” “Grand Arsony—it’s a combination of larceny and arson. The first of its kind.”

Jerr Bear, Cordealz, and Mormo watched this video: http://youtu.be/195D7qYxbiY which features all the shout outs to the Roots on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.
Cordealz: Well… they are definitely the best late night band EVER.
Jerr Bear: Are they on CD?
Cordealz: Yes… they have albums.
Mormo *impersonating Jerr Bear*: Uhh, yes… do you think they are on those new contraptions: the compact disc?
Jerr Bear (on Amazon): HOLY CRAP. They’ve got a million CDs.
Mormo (looking over Jerr Bear’s shoulder): You are looking at every CD in history that has the word “Root” in the title.
Jerr Bear: Oh…

Jerr Bear, Cordealz, and Mormo watched this video: http://youtu.be/195D7qYxbiY which features all the shout outs to the Roots on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.

Cordealz: Well… they are definitely the best late night band EVER.

Jerr Bear: Are they on CD?

Cordealz: Yes… they have albums.

Mormo *impersonating Jerr Bear*: Uhh, yes… do you think they are on those new contraptions: the compact disc?

Jerr Bear (on Amazon): HOLY CRAP. They’ve got a million CDs.

Mormo (looking over Jerr Bear’s shoulder): You are looking at every CD in history that has the word “Root” in the title.

Jerr Bear: Oh…

Donna Summer

Cordealz: Oh my gosh, Donna Summer died.

Mormo: Who?

Jerr Bear: WHAT??? NO.

Cordealz: I know what we need to do. *starts playing Last Dance*

Jerr Bear (on phone): I need to tell you something. Are you sitting down? Just listen to me. Are you sitting down? I have some really bad news… Donna Summer died… ok RELAX, JUST BREATHE. It’s OK. 

Cordealz (singing): IT’S THE LAST DANCE, ROMANCE TONIIIGGGGHHHHHHTTTTT.

Wines

Cordealz had to program some wines into a system. She likes to make sure she’s programming it correctly and she had a bit of a brain fart, so she asked Jerr Bear for verification:

Cordealz: Chardonnay is a white wine right?

Jerr Bear: Umm… it’s more of a yellow-colored wine.

Cordealz: A yellow wine, Jerr Bear? THAT’S NOT EVEN A CATEGORY OF WINES.

Bones in the Phillipines

Jerr Bear watched some sort of Investigative Reports-esque show and decided to share a particular episode with Cordealz and Mormo. 

Jerr Bear: So, there was this Phillipino woman and this guy. And they were gonna adopt kids from the Phillipines together, but she kept stalling and then the guy was like “I don’t want to be with you anymore” and fell in love with another woman. And then he went to the Phillipines to visit the kids that they were supposed to adopt…

(Cordealz and Mormo look at each other)

Cordealz: I’m confused, are you confused?

Mormo: What is happening?

(45 minutes later)

Jerr Bear: So, it turned out she had him assassinated. But because he was in the Phillipines she got to keep his body and she paid off cops for it. But his sister wanted the body. But she had no money and then…

(Cordealz bursts out in uncontrollable laughter)

Cordealz: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT? I was lost at the beginning and I’m lost now.

(Mormo begins a spot on impression of Jerry’s story-telling abilities)

Mormo as Jerr Bear: And then the sister had to get approval for a credit card. Luckily she was able to be approved for a $4000 limit. THEN she called to get the bones. The bones were put in a big drum, which was blue in color. It had a small dent on the top, but that was OK…

(Jerr Bear and Cordealz are keeled over, laughing)

Jerr Bear:… OK, but seriously, it has a happy ending. So, let me finish the story.

Cordealz: Good God in heaven, no. Just no. 

Mormo: Stop, Jerr Bear. Just stop.

Jerr Bear:…anyway, so the sister of the guy who died wanted to get his bones…

(goes on for another 15 minutes).

Pacman

Some goofing occurs in our office punctuated by choice name-calling, all in good humor, of course! The following occurred today:

Mormo: Why did you do that?

Cordealz: Because you’re a buttmuncher. You just munch on butts all day.

Jerr Bear: *giggling* You’re like Pacman, but the dots are butts. 

Jerr Bear holding his own drawing/ interpretation of what the female anatomy looks like.

Jerr Bear holding his own drawing/ interpretation of what the female anatomy looks like.

On our lunch break, we like to watch youtube videos in the office. Jerr Bear is the best at watching youtube videos. His reactions generally snowball into everyone crying from laughing so hard.

One day, Jerr Bear was watching youtube vids on his own, but he would read the video descriptions aloud before watching.

Jerr Bear: “Girl pees herself while lifting weights?”

Cordealz: Don’t watch that!

*10 seconds pass*

Jerr Bear: Ewww! She peed herself!!!

Jerr Bear: Cordealz! OMG, you are gonna hate what this woman said. Have you heard of her? Her name is Poondnit… No, Poondit. Pooo… Fox… Poodnit.
Cordealz: Are you trying to say “pundit”?
Jerr Bear: Yes…
Cordealz: A Fox news pundit said this offensive thing?
Jerr Bear: Yes
Cordealz: Do you know what a pundit is?
Jerr Bear:…yes.
Mormo: Who would name their kid “Fox”, especially with a last name like “Pundit”, come on Jerr Bear. That’s ridiculous.
[Note: For reference here’s the Fox news pundit story]

Jerr Bear: Cordealz! OMG, you are gonna hate what this woman said. Have you heard of her? Her name is Poondnit… No, Poondit. Pooo… Fox… Poodnit.

Cordealz: Are you trying to say “pundit”?

Jerr Bear: Yes…

Cordealz: A Fox news pundit said this offensive thing?

Jerr Bear: Yes

Cordealz: Do you know what a pundit is?

Jerr Bear:…yes.

Mormo: Who would name their kid “Fox”, especially with a last name like “Pundit”, come on Jerr Bear. That’s ridiculous.

[Note: For reference here’s the Fox news pundit story]